Milton and Mane

Alone Together: Finding connection at any age

• Steve Krokoff and Christy Weeks

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Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges facing older adults, and it's about more than simply being alone. In this episode of Milton and Mane, host Christy Weeks, the City of Milton Communications Manager, sits down with a favorite from last season, Tanya Morris, Client Services Director at Senior Services North Fulton, to discuss why social connection matters, how families can recognize when someone may be struggling, and the resources available to help.

From navigating technology and avoiding scams to finding meaningful ways to stay engaged, Tanya shares practical insights for older adults, caregivers, and anyone with aging loved ones. Whether you're planning ahead or looking for support today, this conversation offers helpful guidance and a reminder that even small steps can make a meaningful difference.

With the community in mind, this podcast explores the stories, people, and initiatives that make our community unique. Each episode offers insights into local government, highlights Milton's history and future developments, and showcases the vibrant arts, culture, and sustainability efforts shaping our city. Join the conversation, celebrate our community, and discover how we're building a better Milton together.

Do you have an idea for an episode or would like to request a specific topic to be covered? Email Christy Weeks, christy.weeks@miltonga.gov

Learn more about the City of Milton at www.miltonga.gov. 

Welcome To Milton And Maine

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Milton Maine, the official podcast for the city of Milton. We want to bring you closer to the heart of our community through stories that inform, inspire, and connect. Each episode offers a behind-the-scenes look at the people, projects, and priorities shaping Milton, covering everything from local government and future development to arts, culture, sustainability, and public safety. Whether you're a resident, a local business owner, or just curious about our city, this is your front row seat to what makes Milton special. Welcome back to Milton and Maine, where we talk about the people, programs, and issues that shape life here in Milton. I'm Christy Weeks, the communications manager for the City of Milton. And today we're discussing something that touches almost every family at some point. Aging, caregiving, connection, and conversations many of us are not quite sure how to have. So here's a fun fact. Did you know prolonged loneliness and social isolation can have serious effects on both physical and mental health? And you may, because it's been in the news quite a bit lately. It's a growing issue in a world where people can be constantly connected online while still feeling completely alone. So with that in mind, today we're talking to one of my favorites, Tanya Morris, the client services director from Senior Services of North Fulton, about why connection matters, what resources are available in our community, and some of the practical realities family face as parents age. Whether you're caring for a parent, supporting a spouse, helping a neighbor, or simply planning ahead for the future, this conversation has something for you. Tanya, welcome. I'm so happy you're back. You were with us last year, um, August, I believe, and we had a great conversation. So I was happy when you reached out and more to talk about and more things to cover. And I think it's really important in Milton and across the country to start to really address these issues because I have aging parents. Yes. And I'm like, I have resources, but I don't know how to handle this. You know, I don't know how to have these conversations with my mom, which is a whole nother story. I'm sure will surface at some point during this conversation. So, what I want you to do is kind of remind our listeners who you are, with the role you play, and the and the background here.

SPEAKER_03

Give us a little rundown. Yeah, thank you. Um, so yes, Tanya Morris from Senior Services North Fulton. Senior Services is a nonprofit that's um celebrating its 35th anniversary this year. So, yay. Um, and been in the community serving seniors um and help them age with dignity and independence and stay kind of where they want to be for as long as possible and as safely as possible.

SPEAKER_01

Which is proving for my family to be quite a challenge. And I'm not gonna lie about that. And like I said, it'll probably come up later, but stay tuned. Yes, details. So the the first thing I'm gonna touch on because I just mentioned it about connection and why it matters. And I

Why Loneliness Is A Health Risk

SPEAKER_01

know you have some statistics and and a very insightful perspective on this. So tell us why isolation and connection seem to be an issue.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I think, like you said, people are surprised because with technology, with things being like 24-7 news cycle, people I think feel like we're getting bombarded. And we are. We are. We are definitely getting bombarded. But that doesn't necessarily mean that people feel a sense of connection. So there's been some recent studies, which I think has brought brought this issue to light, that say that the impact of social isolation and loneliness is as if we smoked 15 cigarettes a day. It has kind of the same impact on our health. Isn't that amazing? I when you think about that, I and and you know, I know statistics can be all, you know, skewed. Yeah, skewed or like it's freak you out. But I think it's important to look at because it does show that you know affects our heart, affects our mental health, affects it causes uh premature death and aging. So I think it's really important, and I think that it's something that applies not just to people who as they age, but of any age and any financial, economic, ethnic, it it's everybody across the board.

SPEAKER_01

And you mentioned something prior to coming on air about teenagers being one of the prominent groups. Yes. And I think that's where we're hearing it most is how isolating social media and everything can be for kids, but not realizing the same is happening for our older population. As well. Yeah, it it hits everybody. It but the hard part is is my parents, well, my mom, my mom, my father-in-law, they have social media. Should they? No, because they don't really understand the reach it has. Like, well, I I sent a message to you. No, mom, you sent a message to everybody who knows me. So I saw it, but so did everybody looking at my feed. And she's like, Oh. Yeah, maybe that wasn't what I wanted. Well, I didn't know that, you know. So explaining the the connection isn't always best, but in the same sense, that's how a lot of families are connecting with parents and grandparents as their families are developing in photos and exciting things. So it's kind of a funny little conundrum.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, and it's also how a lot of people that we don't want are getting to our kids, our parents, as you know, scams and things. It's and with AI and with all the technology advances as far as like what I would call Photoshop, which dates me, but you know image manipulation. Yes, for sure. Image manipulation, it's amazing. And it's hard for any of us to tell or to click on things that we shouldn't be clicking on by mistake. It looks so real, it looked like it came from you. It's so easy to just go.

SPEAKER_01

It really is.

SPEAKER_03

So it's it's very hard to protect ourselves. And then if you have people that haven't been dealing with this technology for years and years and years or haven't grown up immersed in it, it's you know another barrier, another kind of hurdle to get them, you know, to understand that.

SPEAKER_01

So, and that kind of brings up a point as we're talking about understanding the technology that we all have. So,

Tech Help And New Barriers

SPEAKER_01

do you remember the yellow pages? Yes. Right. So we are dating ourselves a bit here for some of the listeners, maybe, and some of you are gonna go, yeah, yeah, I remember getting that big old book and the white pages and everything else. Well, imagine being my parents' age in their 80s. And well, how do I how do I find a plumber? Right. So Google it. What do you mean, Google it? You know, so yeah, they know how to go on and do a couple of searches, but it's the old days you opened a book under plumbing and you found what you needed, or you knew some sort of an alphabet, everything with it just made sense. We we don't have those anymore. No, so then the children become the information source.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I think you get that a lot. It's quite amazing. My father-in-law's 91, he's getting returned 92, and so he's calling my husband. Hey, I need a handyman. Hey, I need my groceries delivered. Dad, you have the app. I don't know how to use it. So then it becomes very cumbersome. Or when they don't even remember to call 911. My father-in-law called my husband and said, I need you to call 911. So my husband panics, calls 911, gets our local 911, of course, and they're like, Uh, you gotta call there. Hence why the person or a person in the vicinity does the calling. Yeah, yeah. So we're we're coming across some of these little hurdles that are proving to be a tad more challenging than we ever expected. Yes, yes. So I don't know. It's a process. It is a process. It is a it is a process.

SPEAKER_03

So

Loneliness Versus Isolation Explained

SPEAKER_03

getting back to the social isolation and loneliness, I think we're talking about isolation, yeah. So I think um it helps sometimes. I think we use the terms interchangeably, and that's not necessarily wrong. But I think, you know, loneliness, when people are feeling lonely, it's it's that the relationships that they have, it's a feeling that they have, right? And it's that the relationships they have are not giving them the things they need, or maybe the relationships are, you know, very negative relationships, because just because you have a relationship doesn't mean it's a good one for you, you know. We've all had those. Absolutely. And um, friends or, you know, romantic relationships or whatever. But so it's, you know, that's what loneliness is, is it's about um not getting what you need, not feeling seen, not feeling heard, or not feeling that people know you. Um, so that's kind of loneliness. And then isolation is really like when in clinical, you know, isolation is really about kind of about the number of contacts that you have. And really, people can be isolated, but not feel lonely. Okay, so people can be isolated because um uh I have uh my husband. Um we often talk about like social batteries, you know, like okay, my social battery is depleted. I don't need to see anybody else anymore. Um, so depending on the type of person you are, if you're really outgoing and always love to be with people, well, then you probably need a lot of connections, a lot of interactions with people in order to feel connected.

SPEAKER_01

And that comes down to the type of person you are from the get-go, whether you're an introvert, an extrovert, an extroverted introvert, which is a thing, apparently.

SPEAKER_03

There's all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_01

There's there's terms for everything.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but so so somebody can have not necessarily have a big circle or have a lot of connections with people and still be totally fine because they don't need that to feel heard, to feel connected, whatever. And so, yeah, it's very, you know, when we're talking about social isolation or loneliness, it's a really person by person thing. You know, what's good for you is not good for me. What I need is not what you need. And so when we're talking about this, I just want everybody to understand we're talking kind of obviously in general terms about some things that might help people feel less lonely, help people feel more connected.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, because that's the the next logical question is okay, so if somebody's feeling isolated, but you're there every day, you you you're the caregiver, you're the visitor that goes every day because you love being there, but that person is still feeling isolated and you see the changes in the behaviors, how what do you do?

SPEAKER_03

That's a great question. And I think it depends on who it is, right? What would make them happy? What brings them joy? What do they enjoy? I think donuts bring me joy. I know, right? Just love a donut. Yeah. Love a donut right now.

SPEAKER_01

Anybody looking to keep me from feeling isolated? I like it.

SPEAKER_03

I love it. Um, so I think I think that sometimes you can just start with kind of the low-hanging fruit. Like,

Finding Joy Through Work And Volunteering

SPEAKER_03

do they have people that they're talking to? Are those people still around and calling back? I think about it, you know, when I was thinking about different ways that people kind of be get connected, one of the things I was thinking about is one of the ways we a lot of us get connected is through our work and through our jobs. Okay. And I think that's one of the reasons that there's sometimes problems or difficulties when people like retire. Cause when you think about your life, for a lot of your life, either school when you're younger, right? Or sometimes when you're older, but school and then work is the majority of what you do with your life. It's a lot of your hours for most of us, you know? Correct. Some more than others, but it's a lot of your life. So that's how I feel like a lot of people stay connected is through work. Well, if you don't have that work anymore, or that work goes away, yes. What did you get out of that work that you now need to find another way to get? Besides a paycheck. Besides a paycheck. And sometimes still a paycheck. Maybe you still need a little paycheck. We are running into a lot more seniors that are doing some sort of work, part-time work, maybe still work. Some people that are younger seniors that are still working because that's still what you do, right? You know, the retirement age keeps creeping up, and so people are going to be working longer. And and so we get that. And some people are doing that, using that work as a way to stay connected. They don't maybe have family nearby, maybe they don't have a lot of friends, maybe in some neighborhoods, you know, it's not that you even see your neighbors. You got trees, acre lots, whatever.

SPEAKER_01

Sometimes that works.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes that doesn't that doesn't. And so work can be a way to stay connected. And so that whether that's paid work or volunteer work.

SPEAKER_01

Correct. I was just getting ready to throw that out there because there's a lot of opportunities out there.

SPEAKER_03

A lot of opportunities. The city of Milton on their website has a way for you to find out about volunteer opportunities. Sure. There's an app for that. Of course there is. There is an app for that. There's an app for everything. Um, you know, it used to be called Volunteer Match, and it's it's now, you know, combining with another with another app, but Volunteer Match, United Way. Yeah. Or just if you have a passion, like animals or kids or the environment, often you can you can Google that. You can Google that. You can Google that and find agencies or or businesses that deal with that, and then you can look go directly to that business or agency to say, hey, do you have some volunteer works? What are the options? Sure.

SPEAKER_01

But there's all sorts of things out there, which is amazing, but I could see where it would be overwhelming at the same time.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Right? Too much. Right. Too much. A lot, there's a lot of opportunity, but how much opportunity grows and develops and starts to become dominant, yeah. You know, you gotta figure out. You can be frozen.

SPEAKER_03

You can you could be frozen with too many options. I think it helps to decide what makes sense for you.

SPEAKER_01

Correct.

SPEAKER_03

So some volunteer or even jobs are kind of like one-offs. You know, maybe there's a festival that needs some help when it happens once a year or days of service kind of things where it's cleanup or things like that. So I think understanding what's good for you, how often are you looking to volunteer? That is a great place to start. If you're just looking for, if you're looking for something every day, once a week, once a month, once a year, that will help you kind of guide you to what you're looking for.

SPEAKER_01

Like oh, I've got my plan. You gotta I know exactly what I'm gonna volunteer for and where I'm going when I'm when I have the time. I want to to be a panda bear caregiver. There you go. All I want to do is play with the panda bears. That's it. That's wonderful. You might have to move. I did see that that was a stipulation. So that's another good point. I don't know if I'm willing to relocate that far, but oh my goodness, would I do that? Oh, wouldn't that oh my gosh. I mean, they're the most hilarious thing on the planet that brings me joy. Yep. So that that's in my back pocket. Just in case anybody nip ever wonders.

SPEAKER_03

Well, and you know what's so funny? Because I know that you're kind of joking, but you're kind of serious. I'm kind of joking, kind of serious. But but so, oh, okay, well, I love that. Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_01

They have like puppy therapy where you just go and love with the puppies, and I would take them all home and then I'd walk or I'd be the crazy cat lady because I'd have all the cats because they all need a home.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that you need to walk dogs. You know, there might be a senior in your neighborhood that needs help walking their dog, or you know, humane society and things like that where they need more. So that but that's a great idea. Like what brings you joy, right? And and how can that fit within the community I live in? Right. Like where I want to drive stuff.

SPEAKER_01

So basically you're telling me that my plan is not completely logical, but it is a start to do that.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sure there's a vacation process for that. I'm sure you could go on vacation and be a panda caregiver for a week. For a week, yeah, for a week or two.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. Well, you know, we can dream. We can dream.

Local Places To Meet People

SPEAKER_01

So, as we're talking about all these connection points, what do we got going on in Milton? Because I know you have a lot of simple ways people can build that connection or feel connected right here in our own backyard.

SPEAKER_03

Well, one of the great things about, we were talking about technology. One of the great things about technology is it is a great way to find out what is going on. So the city of Milton, the library, um, different organizations all have event pages so you can kind of go and see what's happening this month in your group. I know people don't often, the, you know, the libraries are really changing of what they do. Um, same thing with churches and religious organizations. They're seeing the need in their congregations or their people. And so they're doing things that maybe are a little bit different, exercise classes, you know, groups, social groups, things like that. I was looking at the uh Milton Library page and they're doing shelf suspicions. So they're doing mysteries, like you go and help solve a mystery. I know, right? There's so many different things. They have speakers, they have you know, art things going on at the library. So the library is a great way to get connected that doesn't cost a lot of money. So if money is an issue, right? Um, with you know, everybody's got a budget. So the library is a great place to go. And and we talked about churches and things. Right now, um, there are places that are like rec centers. So um Milton has a great recreation department that does different classes that you can get connected with. Yes. And there's kind of a spectrum of those things, especially if we're talking about aging. So, you know, like things at the library, things at the rec department, you gotta get yourself there, you gotta do it, you gotta sign up. Right. That's all good. You get used to it. If you do it a couple times, you know, you'll get used to it and it'll be no problem. No big deal. We also have things that if if like the exercise classes at the rec department are getting to be a little bit too much, then then kind of the next step is more like a senior center. And that's where you're gonna have exercise classes, you're gonna have art classes, things like that. But maybe it's a little bit slower pace or more, there's a little bit more help.

SPEAKER_01

The expectation is there's gonna be a little bit more help there, not hands-on help, but chair yoga or a Tai Chi type base. Yeah. Or I know we do have Mahjong. Yes, we have Mahjong. Uh, which uh I'm fascinated with, but yeah, because it it's a very strategic thing. Yeah. I don't know that I have the patience to sit down and play with other people. Yes. I play on my phone.

SPEAKER_03

But yes, there's uh those types of things. Um book club. But Milton Senior Center has a book club, the libraries do book clubs. Yeah. Um, there's a writing club at the Milton Senior Center. There's a writing club. And I think that's fabulous. So there's stuff everywhere, no matter kind of what your love, your passion. Maybe it's not a passion you've had before, but something you've always wanted to learn how to do. It's out there. I

Fulton County Programs And Star Line

SPEAKER_03

do also want to say, because some people might not have heard yet, and it's not in Milton itself, but it's for all of Fulton County, is Fulton County, there's a new building on North Point Parkway. It's not a new building, but they renovated 4,700 North Point Parkway. Okay. And they, for senior services, they have an adult day health care there. So that's for people that actually maybe have dementia, maybe have some other impairments and need some hands-on assistance while they're there. So, you know, the staff can actually physically, you know, help you with your transfer or prompt you if you need help with that. But they are having a multi-purpose center there. So that's those classes where you can sign up for an art class, kind of that's a nine-week art class or an exercise class that meets Tuesday, Thursdays for nine weeks. So they're gonna be doing that there. So that's gonna be that just the building just opened and they're kind of rolling out those kinds of programs. So definitely if you're a senior 55 plus, you wanna check that, check them out for that. 55. I know, right? I'm headed over. Multipurpose summer.

SPEAKER_01

Go and find some convenience. Beautiful building. I bet it is. I bet it is. And so if people were looking for that information, what would be like a website that they could find it on?

SPEAKER_03

Sure. The Fulton County website, the Department of Senior Services, you could call. They, you know, you could look on there, and they have something called the Star Line. And you can call the Star Line. They'll have the number for it right on there. You can click on and they should have kind of like your rec department. There's so many things that get offered. They don't always necessarily have it listed right there, but you can at least start to have the conversation and find out where to go and what might be happening, these kind of one-off things that happen.

SPEAKER_01

Do they push out a calendar by any chance?

SPEAKER_03

They usually have a catalog of kind of classes, kind of like the rec department does, where three times a year it's kind of sign up time and they put it out. And then they have one-time events that might happen. And so because it's so new, we're gonna wait a little bit and see kind of how much they offer there. Right. Because they have a multi-purpose center in Sandy Springs right now. That's really cool. The Dorothy Benson Center. And really what they were finding, of course, is when that was built, most of the population was there, right? Well, not anymore, right? Everybody's spread out. And so they're trying to make it so that it's easier for people to reach what they want to participate in.

SPEAKER_01

So with that being said, is there any sort of transportation options if that's a challenge for somebody?

Transportation Options That Actually Exist

SPEAKER_03

So great question. So adult day and senior center, transportation is provided to and from the location closest to where you live. Okay. So it's not about zip code. It's not about what city you live in. Right. It's about how far are you to the senior centers in this area. So somebody who lives in Milton could go to the Milton Senior Center or the Crab Apple Senior Center. Um, you could end up, and it's just really based on the actual miles on the road, not the crow fly miles, but the actual miles on the road. So yes, that has transportation. If you're not going there, transportation is not included to the multipurpose center. That being said, my agency has a transportation program. Fulton County has a transportation program. Marta has transportation, Marta Bus Line, and then Marta Mobility. There's private pay options like go-go grandparents and things like that. So there's options out there. So if transportation is a barrier, don't just assume it's everything's out of reach. Start calling and asking some questions so that we can kind of give you some information about what might be available for you.

SPEAKER_01

I because I have a feeling that the amount of resources that are out there are far more than people even realize. And constantly changing. And constantly changing, hard to keep up.

SPEAKER_03

So, yes, because I'm like three years ago, what I could tell you was available is different than what's available today. You know, it's just constantly changing. So it's always okay to call and ask the question. And you may find, oh, nope, nothing's really new in this area since I last called. Or you might find, oh my gosh, yes, they've got a new resource. Wonderful. I'm gonna try that out. So always best to ask.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Well, I could see where it would be difficult for somebody independently who doesn't have the surrounded with a community that checks in on them all the time. Yeah. So it might be a little more difficult to make that initial call. But uh if you could get a hold of somebody to help you track down those resources, which kind of brings me to the importance of checking on your neighbors and checking on your relatives, even though your life is busy, things are going on, your kids are going 12 different directions, but just know there could be somebody very close to you that needs that phone call or that drop-in because they need eyes on them.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. And there's ways for that. It doesn't necessarily mean it's all family all the time. Right. So we were talking about if you need transportation getting to these programs, there's also stuff that can come to you.

Virtual Senior Centers And Friendly Calls

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

So this is where, you know, again, technology, if that's your bent, um, if you're if you're comfortable with that, there are virtual programs and virtual senior centers. There are.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't even think about that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they they're out there. It it changes, you know. COVID, nobody wants it back, but it did open some doors and kind of push us to think a little differently about how we connect with others. Correct. And nothing is going to replace the in-person, you know, connection. But there are ways we can augment, we can, you know, um, fill in some of the gaps. So that's one of those ways where, you know, looking at virtual programming for seniors, it because it doesn't just have to come from here, it can come from anywhere. Just do the search, you know, and just kind of make some connections. So there's virtual programming. There's things called friendly visiting programs. What is that? Explain that to me. Yeah. Well, you were just talking about like, don't forget there might be a neighbor that yeah. So this is a more formal version of there might be a neighbor. All right. So we have seniors that connect with us and say, you know, yes, I would love it if somebody visited. Maybe I need some help with errands, maybe I just want somebody to chat with. And then we try to match them with volunteers that are willing to go to their house, you know, like twice a month and just kind of connect, say hello. We've got some people that have been doing it for years. Like they connected with somebody, not because they were required to, but just they they formed a relationship and they just want to. So we have things like that are friendly visiting programs. So that's great. There's now like phone assurance programs, too, where it's seniors calling other seniors or volunteers calling people. So, like we have seniors who like I'd really love to give back, but I can't get out. And so they but they can make a phone call. And so they can call and connect with somebody else so they don't feel lonely and on either end.

SPEAKER_01

Remember in one of my previous lives when I was a CNA and I did home health care. Yes. And yes, the service I was providing was needed and required because these certain basic things needed to be recorded and tracked. On the back end of that, was probably the more important part. So I feel like, and I was so young, I wasn't quite the impact you had. I didn't really get it. They wanted to chat. Yes. They wanted to talk. And so if you took the time to sit and let somebody tell you a little bit about their life, I mean the most fabulous stories, the most interesting lives, and you're looking at this person in a whole new light. I remember that was probably my favorite part of that whole entry into my healthcare career that I had briefly. Yes. It's but it was also hard.

unknown

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01

Because it made me sad for them. I I I wasn't I was I'm very soft. I know I don't come across that way, y'all. But inside it it just made me sad because I was like, Where's their family? Where are their friends? And you don't realize how isolating it can get very quickly for them.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Yep. So and and sometimes it's, you know, it can be a spiral,

Moving Later In Life And Starting Over

SPEAKER_03

right? Like sometimes maybe it's an injury, or sometimes it's a move. You know, we get a lot of calls. I moved here to be closer to my family, or my daughter and son moved me here to be close to them and that kind of thing. Well, a lot of times you move to be close to people that have a whole life. Correct. A whole life that's busy, work, maybe kids, even without kids, they're, you know, it's busy. Yeah, jamming along themselves. And this senior has left or been, you know, moved from for whatever reason their whole social connection or their whole network. And sometimes they've been moved because they don't have a network anymore. You know, the people they knew maybe have moved on themselves, relocated, passed away. And so they're away from the corner store that they knew, or so and, you know, so and so where I would get my haircut or my pastor or whatever it is. And so, yes, it can feel very isolating, very lonely. And so we do get a lot of those calls where, oh my gosh, mom, dad, they need something to do, or they need a place to go, they need to connect. I will say people ask, well, why do people choose like a senior center versus like the rec department or multi-purpose center or whatever? And I find like one of the main reasons that people come to us, it's really not because of a class, although that might be their interests, like, oh, I might be looking for Tai Chi or whatever, but the people that come and continue to come, it's really about the connection. Yep. It's really about the primary thing they're coming for is the social connection. And we just connect with each other through an art class or through the Tai Chi class.

SPEAKER_01

Because you may have more in in common with them. Yeah. Right. So talking to my dad, that my mom and dad split their time between Arizona and Colorado. Colorado's their home. That's where they're really from. That's where my dad has all his connections. They lived in a very small town there. So everybody knew my mom and dad. Yeah. Everybody knew my grandparents. And so when my dad's in Phoenix, the bonus is my sister's there.

SPEAKER_03

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_01

The downside is she works six days a week. Yep. And she is, she's busy. Her kids are grown, but she has a lot going on. Yeah. And my dad doesn't have the same system in place. Yep. So she's always like, I want mom and dad to move to Arizona all by, you know, and stay here. Well, mom doesn't have to wear oxygen, but in Colorado she does. So that's why they spend so much time there. But then my dad, he's silent. You know, he doesn't have that connection and the the same thing. His brother is in Colorado. His cars are in Colorado. His hobbies are in Colorado. He just he just went back and walked into the bank and everybody's like, Dell, how are you? So good to see you. Yeah. And he forgets that that's where his whole life has been.

SPEAKER_03

And it's not easy. If anybody's ever moved, you know, if you've lived in the same place your whole life, then you might not have experienced this or whatever. But it's my sister. Yeah. If you went away to school or went away for a year or moved someplace and tried and decided and moved back, it's very can be very difficult to meet people. I don't care what your age is. It's hard. It's very hard to meet people because people all have lives and they're going along with their own life and they maybe already have friends and whatever. And they're not thinking, oh, I need another new friend. They're they're just doing their thing. And so it is very difficult to kind of connect and feel connected. So places like senior centers or libraries or volunteering is a way to kind of get in and meet some new people. Correct. And and start the process of building that same connection, those same, you know, not the same, different, but similar connections, uh, you know, where you are now or where you are for half the year. There's nothing saying he can't go to the same bank every day. You know, you know, it's it's it's not the same.

SPEAKER_01

It's not bigger cities are different than finding groups in good like car shows and car enthusiasts, and he's getting there. It's not his happy place. No, loves the weather, yeah, but his happy place is in his comfort zone. So it's a little hard. My sister hasn't moved, so I was explaining to her. I've moved a lot. I go, it's hard, Gary. It's really, really hard to do this stuff. Like I wouldn't want to repeat my last move here to Georgia without having my kids to make that initial connection. Their sports programs is how we immersed ourselves. We volunteered within there. Yes. That's what we did to meet people. If we go to move now, it's odd. It's awkward, and nobody wants to do that. Yep. So it's just one of those fears that people may have as they move when they're older and don't have that immediate insertion into a group.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Well, and it's something to think about when you're looking at or expecting your parents, and that's a whole other conversation. But if you're expecting parents to make a change, it's what do they have now? You know, what supports them? What do they need? What do they have now? And how can you do that someplace else? Right. Because expecting them necessarily to do it when they're moving and they're stressed or they're depressed, maybe they're moving because they've had physical changes. So there's all sorts of things going on. It yeah, yeah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_01

It's it's hard. It's hard. And I don't want to insert myself. And I know a lot of people may feel this with their parents. They want their parents to do something super specific, but fully knowing that it's hard raising parents. You know what I mean? That they don't always listen to you, even though you're pretty sure you know better. So it's hard managing your own expectations of what you think your parents should do.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Because I think you need to complicated it. I think you need to take away the word raising your parents.

Respect, Roles, And Caregiving Expectations

SPEAKER_03

Because I think that that's it is. I hear people talk about it all the time. Oh, like our roles have reversed, and I want to challenge people. And you challenge people. Your roles are still the same. Correct. The tasks have changed, the things you have to do maybe have changed. Yep. But your roles have not changed. You are still their children. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

It's not my job to tell them where they're supposed to live. Do I do I have my own wants? Yes. But I know I'm not gonna walk in and tell my dad where he needs to go and that we're moving him. Yeah. That is not happening. He was very respectful with his parents. I can't make that decision. That's grandpa's decision. Dad, grandpa's 97. It's still his decision. He knows what he's talking about. Yeah. So that level of respect still needs to be maintained.

SPEAKER_03

And it's hard if the task ultimately falls on you, because you know, that's where we get trapped, right? Right. You know, it's like, well, it's their choice, but I'm the one. You know, I hear this and it is totally valid, but I'm the one that will have to do this if they stay or if they go or if they do this or that. I'm the one that's gonna. So it's not it's not that it's not valid. I think it's just an it's an easy trap for us to fall into and go down that rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_01

It's hard. I don't know if I'm on board with any of this right now. But is there anything else you kind of want to tie into this whole idea of isolation and connection as we wrap up this particular episode? Because I know we're gonna have you back to talk about a slew of other stuff. But in this particular area, what's that final message you want to give?

SPEAKER_03

I

Start Small And Try One Day

SPEAKER_03

I think the final message is that there isn't just like everything else, there is no one right answer for everybody. And especially if you've been isolated for so long that you are now depressed. And I'm talking like clinical, you know, like depressed, anxious, lonely. Help somebody kind of make just that one little step. It doesn't have to be that they're committing to doing everything all day long. It's just trying to bring them with you or help them learn about something that will get them connected. And I will tell you, it happens all the time at the senior center. Just try one day, just try one day for a couple of weeks. Can you try one day for a month and see you try it out? If it's not for you, don't have to go anymore, but just kind of give it that try. Nine times out of ten, they will meet somebody that they really connect with. Right. And oh, well, that person's coming on Tuesdays as well as Wednesday. Can I come on Tuesdays as well as Wednesday? Now we're at two days. Now we're at three days. So I really feel like if people can just try it twice, once or twice, or try it, you know, if it's something that's weekly, you know, try it for a month, right? Four times. What have you got to lose?

SPEAKER_01

Trying to do something. The conversation in my head about getting to the gym every day.

SPEAKER_03

No, right? I mean, if it was easy, we would all be healthy and doing it. But that's, I guess, where you have to start small. Don't expect it to be everything right away.

SPEAKER_01

And I think expectations are what sink most of us. It does. I agree.

SPEAKER_03

I agree.

SPEAKER_01

I agree. Yeah. Tonyas, thank you so much for touching on this. I feel like it is such a prominent issue that we have in our communities, especially as we're getting an older generation and people aging into this as well. And we're talking from the early seniors, the us 55-year-olds, all the way up. And there's just such a range of resources that are out there that if you know somebody or you have a relative or a friend that is looking for something, share the information. Yes. If there's anything we can let you all know out there, share information, just offer some resources. It might be jotting down a couple of phone numbers and leaving it on a piece of paper next to their phone. Here are some opportunities. Here's some phone numbers. Pick up the phone and call. If you need somebody, call this.

SPEAKER_03

There's a reason you don't get an advertisement just once. It's a reason they give you the same advertisement multiple times, is because the studies have been shown that's what it takes for us to make a move, is that we're going to have to see the same information multiple times. So I love like what you're saying is just keep connecting, not keep trying. Yeah. Don't have to push them out the door, but no, just keep bringing it up. You never know which time is going to be the time that it's correct.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, that sounds good today. Okay, well, great. Let's go. You never know what you're gonna get. Um, and the effort is what's appreciated and can make the most difference in somebody's life. So thanks so much for chatting with us today, Tanya. I appreciate it. And any contact information that we talked about today, we're going to put in the show notes. So that will be an easy access for y'all. If you're looking for more information, if you want to reach out, we'll have it there. So, with that being said, we'll see you next time on Milton and

Share Resources And Stay Connected

SPEAKER_01

Maine. Thanks for listening to Milton and Maine. We hope this episode gave you fresh insights into what makes our city so special. Stay connected and don't miss an episode by subscribing to this podcast on your favorite platform and following us on social media for all updates. And of course, if you want to learn more about the city, visit us online at www.miltonga.gov for resources, news, and upcoming events. Until next time, thanks for being part of the conversation, and we'll see you on the next Milton in May.